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slaptaxi
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Name: Su-Zen
Birthday: 5/7/1992
Gender: Female
Interests: Basketball, movies with friends, family outings, random jokes, late night outings with friends, late night calls, having free time in school for nuts, talking about personal things, rainbows, taking walks in the evening, laughing, sleepovers, food, watching tv for hours, drawinggg, singing in the shower, collecting junk, roller coasters, travelling, reading thick books, blogging, looking through old pictures, meeting up with old friends, window shopping, doing random things, being nice, going insane, laughing, errr... reading?, watching movies that make me laugh and cry at the same time.
Message: message me
Member Since:
7/4/2006
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| Realization. The feeling sucks balls. You block something out thinking you can lock it up, throw away the key and never look back at it again, but at those random oppertune moments, it catches you off-guard. Unawares. Naked (pardon the expression). Raw. And it hurts. Like hell. Because you start to regret. Not one of the better feelings we have come to feel. You regret and you think, what if. What if you said just the right thing at that precise moment. Would it change everything that is now? Would it make things better? Would it make me a better person?
What hurts is that this involves friends. Friends who you were supposed to stay together with forever. Through thick and thin. No matter what. Who you thought wouldn't let silly, trivial things like other people get in the way of what was supposed to be, friendship.
When things like that get in the way, and you get carried away, and you say things you don't mean, you act like you don't care but secretly you do, you can't do anything. Because the damage has been done.
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for whatever pain, or misery I've caused you. If I could take it back in a heartbeat, I would. I'm so very, very sorry. It wasn't my place to judge. To take matters into my own hands and decide what was right and what was wrong. I should've been the friend I expected you to be and supported you in whatever decision you made. You know who you are. At least, I sincerely hope you do.
And to you, yeah you out there. You know who you are. Don't go around assuming things you think are true, but are actually far from it. I hate people like you. Bloody insinuating piece of shit. You can go to hell. It's my blog to post whatever the hell I want. So what if I rant? Is it wrong to rant? Or am I not allowed to rant? Maybe in your little world, people who rant are people who need attention, I don't know. But not all of us can put on a happy face and tell the world that our life is perfect, and lovely and filled with rainbows and unicorns. You have your friends to complain to, I have my blog and the audience of random people who stumble across this "rant-filled" blog. Well, I'm sorry I don't roll your way.
Damn, blogger should really get private posts.
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| I hate people who self-invite. Who don't know when enough is enough. Stubborn people, who, try as you might to tell them in the nicest way possible that you don't want them there, they still come. It's either denial or they've got issues. Are you retarded? When someone says they don't want you there, you don't go. You don't turn up anyway. It's damn irritating. Don't you get it? SOME PEOPLE JUST DON'T WANT YOU THERE. Save whatever fucking dignity you have left and just stop what you're doing. I hate people who claim they're a good friend to you but end up doing something so ludicrous that it doesn't even make sense. That point fingers, assume things that aren't true, and think they're right all the time. They don't stop to think for a second that they could be, oh I don't know, jealous maybe? But instead they act like they're all high and mighty and everything that comes out of their mouth has to be taken bloody seriously. They involve other people and ASSUME SUCH IDIOTIC THINGS just to cover up the fact that it's probably their own damn fault. A-S-S-U-M-E, make an ASS out of U and ME. It's a childish little rhyme but it makes sense in this case, does it not? Thanks lah seriously. Some friend. I hate people who sit there and take it. It's like a slap to the face but they still don't care and just sit around feeling guilty for something they say isn't their fault. If it's not your fault then why are you just taking it like it is your fault? What kind of a good friend does this to another? I wouldn't even call them a friend. Plus this isn't the first time. Such a wonderful world we live in now. | | |
| My little problem has been solved. Haha. I'd hardly call it a problem anymore. I don't need people who don't need me. Simple as that. *smacks forehead* I should be shot for being emotional about it in the first place. Thank you to Lemar, my xanga friend/home boy/"chaos controller" (haha) who never fails to comment on my posts, whether they make sense or not. | | |
| It's one of those emo days where you don't get what you want. I hate drifting apart. I hate not feeling wanted. I hate being pushed aside. I miss the people. The laughs. I know I'm over reacting. But I just hate feeling like I'm not needed anymore or like I'm not one of them. I guess I know how Jialinq feels now. I'm sorry. I know I'm a bitch. | | |
| I'm such a pussy. Could've backed out with Neeraj. But I'd feel bad. Fug it. 
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